talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
