Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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