I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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