P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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