A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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