the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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