Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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