The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
