my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
