...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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