Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
