Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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