I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
