i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
