Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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