I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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