My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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