I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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