@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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