So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
