i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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