our cab driver is having phone sex.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
