i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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