I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
