Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
