I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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