This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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