for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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