Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
