I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize