there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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