The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sorry about my life...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
