That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
