i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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