you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize