The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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