this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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