So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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