If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
