Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
