No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so let's talk penis.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you will always have a special place in my vag
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
