You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
50% drunk capacity currently
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
