Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
