There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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