Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize