Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
