she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
