There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize