just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
