Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli

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(770): View more from Georgia

separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro

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(419): View more from Ohio

Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".

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(806): View more from Texas

I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.

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