Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
