if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
