im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
