The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize