the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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