The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Let's paint friendship bongs
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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