my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my being single is dangerous.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
