stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
