i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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