Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
