I will die if light touches me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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