help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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