Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
