im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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