"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm too high and old for this...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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