Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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