i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
