Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
