Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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