You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
