i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
that is very illegal...i love you.
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