is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
