No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
