she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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