apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize