He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
