you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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