he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
