hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
