I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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