I think my fart just growled at me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
