Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
