why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
