There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize