She said her name was "party"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
