got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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