Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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