Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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