I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
