Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
