I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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