i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
